At the beginning of any relationship, you always see your partner with their best foot forward. They always make an effort in making you feel special and loved, simply because they want to win your affection.
The first year of a relationship is said to be the happiest, which is what is called the “honeymoon stage.” You are elated at this new love, the both of you desperately want to be together, and you simply show each other how much in love you are.
When you’re already in a long-term relationship, things will start to mellow down and the butterflies will no longer wreak havoc in your stomach. Instead, what you’ll experience are attachment and commitment – two very fulfilling experiences that make for a great relationship.
However, there are times when relationships start to decay. You know many things are not going right, yet you stay because you can’t seem to live without this person, even though you know it might not go anywhere or that things are already miserable.
But when should you quit? When do you throw in the towel and say enough is enough? If you’re not quite sure, then maybe these 6 reasons will finally give you the clarity you’ve been looking for:
6 Reasons: How to know when to end a long term relationship
1. The Relationship is Doing More Harm than Good
Instead of improving on your career, do you see yourself being pulled down because of your partner? Or instead of finally taking that life-long dream of going on a European tour, do you find yourself using your travel money to pay for your partner’s lavish lifestyle?
If your relationship is doing you more harm than good, then it’s time you stop and evaluate whether or not you want to be in this partnership.
Being with someone should elevate you, not bring your down. When being a couple is worse than being single, then yes, it’s time to close the doors.
2. Your Partner is Abusive
Any form of abuse – physical, verbal, emotional, mental, or sexual, is a major red flag to ending the relationship. Once abuse starts and you forgive and forget, it is always a guarantee that it will happen again. Once you start tolerating an abusive behavior, it will always happen again and it will advance to an even worse kind of abuse.
If you ever felt degraded, demoralized, and disrespected in the relationship, then you have been abused by your partner. Abuse is taking advantage of your love – the person knows that you will forgive them and they believe that no matter what they do, you will always have your arms wide open for them.
When you feel like you’re walking on eggshells because at any minute you know your partner will snap for the smallest of reasons, it’s time to pack your bags and get the heck out of there.
3. Your Partner is Extremely Possessive
At the beginning of the relationship, jealousy may be cute. It’s sweet, even. But when it’s too much, it can be terrifying. At first, your partner will tell you how much he loves you, how special you are, and shower you with attention and affection. He may also show some mild jealousy, which is always cute at the start.
But when they start persistently asking you about who you’re with, where you are, and what you’re doing, then that’s a big red flag.
When you allow this behavior to continue, they can potentially control your life. They can prevent you from seeing your friends and they’ll tell you they only want to spend more time with you; they can manipulate you from taking good care of yourself by saying you don’t need to exercise because your body is already beautiful; and they can even isolate you from your whole family by telling you he’s the only one looking out for you.
When your partner has successfully manipulated you, you will tend to live in a bubble where your world revolves around you and your partner alone, making it hard for you to see the abuse, to realize the isolation, and prevent you from seeing what is really happening.
When you feel trapped and your partner lashes out at you because you want to live your life, then it’s time to prick that bubble and take a big step outside.
4. Your Partner is a Pathological Liar
Honesty is paramount to any relationship. It is the only way you can build trust. When your partner lies about the smallest of things, distorts the truth, and lives a life you have no idea about, you can never fully trust him or her.
When it’s become a habit, it can be very hard to know the difference between a lie and the truth, which will make you go crazy and feel insecure in the relationship.
Your relationship will only go one way when your partner is a compulsive liar, and that’s to destruction and absolute misery. Get out now before more damage is done.
5. Your Partner Has Addiction Problems
Any form of addiction will not only ruin your relationship, it can ruin your life.
Substance abuse is dangerous as your partner can no longer control his behavior. No matter how good a person he was before he became addicted, no matter how successful he was, or how loving he was, when he’s addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex, it will never be good to any relationship.
While it is your duty to understand and be the backbone for your partner when times get hard, it is also your duty to yourself to make sure you are safe and secure.
You can offer to help, but when damage has been done in your life – be it your career or self-esteem, it’s time to let go.
6. Your Partner Has Repeatedly Cheated On You
Each person reacts to cheating in different ways. You should never be judged for staying or forgiving your partner who has cheated on you. Some people may tell you “I told you so” when you tell them your partner has done it again, and some may say it’s your fault because you stayed.
No matter what people say, there is never an excuse to cheating and there is never an excuse for someone to do it again.
Cheating is the ultimate form of betrayal and while the most ideal thing to do is leave, sometimes, it’s just not that easy. When you love someone and your world has revolved around them, it’s very difficult to end that world. But when the person is not guilty, feels no shame, and even blames you for their cheating, then that already becomes abuse.
Never accept your partner’s excuse for cheating, and never believe it’s your fault. Cheating is always a choice and it boils down to character. Leave right away when your partner makes you feel guilty for their cheating.
While we may get involved in relationships to be happier and make our lives better, it’s a sad fact that many relationships can be harmful. We don’t choose who we love because it just happens.
If we could, we’d choose the best person for us – the kind, generous, and responsible person. But many people show us masks that are hard to recognize, and sometimes, it takes some damage and destruction to be able to peel off the true person behind the image they first set themselves to be.
When you decide to leave, please be gentle on yourself. You may feel guilty, but when these red flags do occur in your relationship, you have to understand that you need to take care of yourself before others.
And don’t worry about not being able to move on or find someone else. When you close a door, you can always open a window to let other forms of love come in – be it in the form of friends, in a passion, or a family. And maybe, just maybe, finally the right person will knock on that closed door.
I am no relationship expert, but your goal must be to fall in love, feel loved and have a healthy relationship!
If you are not in a healthy relationship then maybe this is a good sign and time to call a psychic and ask them about your relationship and life goals.